A RELATIONSHIP AUDIT
by Michael Manes
Before the agency “marriage,” both parties need to answer these questions.
The article was thought provoking. The question was simple: Why do so many marriages fail? The analysis was thorough: money, sex, families/in-laws, stress, religion, etc. The real answer was simpler: Most marriages fail because the partners aren't right for each other. Bad marriages often start with bad choices!
More than 50% of marriages end in divorce. The challenge of a successful marriage is so great that many young adults delay marriage or avoid it altogether. I've been happily married for 25 years. I consider myself lucky in love, but I'm not an expert. I attribute my success to selecting a wife with the patience of Job and with doing as I'm told.
Business today is being reshaped by mergers, acquisitions, joint ventures, and strategic alliances. If business alliances can be compared to marriages, will their success rate be similar? Perhaps a more important question is how we reduce the chances of entering into a bad relationship.
Beginning with that premise, I'd like to offer prospective allies the following points to determine if they're in love or just infatuated:
- Who's the person or organization you're going to 'marry?'
- Who's the leader of the other organization or the relationship?
- Who's in control (remember Radar O'Reilly from the television show 'M*A*S*H')?
- Who makes the decisions?
- What are the values, personalities, and corporate culture of the organization and its members?
Answer the same questions about yourself and your company. Will you be compatible?
- Have you observed your intended under stress during the worst of times? Do you really know them? Your initial observations and what they've told you may not be real the truth.
- Has your due diligence been thorough enough? Did you talk only to friends and family, or did you discuss your future mate with ex-lovers, alienated children, and others? Consider the comments of all parties in the cool light of reason.
- Is your future spouse likely to turn out to be more like Ozzie or Harriet Nelson, or Peggy or Al Bundy? How about a 'Fatal Attraction' type that cooks your pet rabbit on the stove? Remember some of the most dysfunctional people in the world are best at style and worst at substance.
- How will you get along? Honeymoons are easy. Can you live together afterwards? Is this someone you'd want to see first thing in the morning and the last thing at night? Can you communicate? Do you want to raise children with them? Will they be there for you?
- Is it real or is it Memorex? Dreams are important and wonderful, but a happy marriage also requires concrete. The concept of children can warm the coldest heart, but dirty diapers, the terrible two's and green hair can challenge the best parent.
- What do you and your mate want to do? What have you already done? Becoming the next Microsoft, State Farm, or Wal-Mart is an ambitious dream, but has your potential mate succeeded with a single store, agency, or program?
- What are your expectations? What do both sides want? Are the demands reasonable and compatible? When you're dating, each person tries to please their intended. Once you say, 'I do,' the focus changes from 'What can I do for you' to 'What have you done for me today?'
- Is your intended a momma's boy? Will your marriage be as important to them as it is to you? Will they be there for better or for worse, or will they cut and run at the first signs of a problem?
- What baggage does each of you bring to the marriage? Are there problems with debts, lawsuits, cash flow, or ex-spouses? Can these problems be worked out? Does your potential mate bring all of the problems and expect you to provide all of the solutions? What's your tolerance for pain?
- Do you need a prenuptial agreement? Although such agreements tend to take the fantasy and romance out of the deal, they're often necessary and prudent. The relationship is probably doable if you, your intended, and your attorneys or other advisors can quickly produce a document that both sides sign enthusiastically. The future may be doomed if you fight and snipe throughout the process. If one side has too many attorneys, advisors, and questions, it may be a sign of trouble. The final test may be simply - do you trust each other enough to do this on a handshake? If yes, proceed - if no, consider your decision more carefully!
- What does your heart tell you? After your head has worked through the questions, if you're still starry-eyed, it might be the real thing. If you have sweaty palms, call an old flame and test yourself!
Remember, 'till death do us part' is a long time. A good marriage never lasts long enough - life's too short. A bad marriage can't end soon enough - life's too long!
Michael Manes can be reached at Square One Consulting, 8674 Quarters Lake Road, Suite 10, Baton Rouge, LA 70809, (225) 922-9138, fax (225) 922-9106, e-mail [email protected], Web site www.squareoneconsulting.com.