100 EASY WAYS TO BEGIN A SALES LETTER (PART TWO)
by Herschell Gordon Lewis
A warning probably is in order as we round the halfway point in this (interminable?) series of articles: Don't choose an opening because you think it's clever. Except for the towering Clarity Commandment, the most valuable edge you can have as a marketer is constant self re-prompting: Match the message to the recipient.
The advantage of having a library of letter openings parallel shaving a full wardrobe. You choose this outfit for this event and that outfit for that circumstance . . . and your attire always matches where you are, who you're supposed to be and what your hosts are wearing.
Let's add five more rhetorical garments to our 'word'-robe.
26. 'Have you ever wished...'
This is a lyrical opening which can penetrate defenses which leap into position against more hard-boiled attacks. In use, too often even the most professional practitioners shoot a coat of dulling spray over 'Have you ever wished . . .' by having an introduction so long, tedious, or dynamic the opening itself becomes ancillary instead of primary-a harsh switching of gears.
Don't do that. Harshness destroys wistfulness.
I'm looking at a letter selling computer software. The actual letter begins:
Dear Friend.
Have you ever wished that you could produce incredible-looking documents, construct bigger than life posters, build dazzling looking slide presentations-or even touch-up photographs and drawings, just like a world-class graphic artist might do?
A workmanlike job-although I'd have hyphenated 'bigger-than-life,' taken the hyphen out of 'touch up,' and dumped the weak 'looking' after 'dazzling.' These are tweakings, not objections. The opening does stand up.
But this opening starts two-thirds of the way down the page. A batch of rock-em, sock-em display type above the greeting shouts:
Now two PC Magazine's Editors' Choice Award-Winning Software Programs can be yours . . .Get three of the world's easiest to use desktop publishing packages, bundled together for only $49.95! You save $527 off the price [and on it goes...]
A legend above a 'Have you ever wished...' greeting isn't damaging per se; it's damaging when it's exclamatory. When you're writing a letter, pretend you're in a play. Who are you? Stay in character.
'Have you ever wished...' is a natural for travel, investments, fund raising, and self-improvement. Its most attractive virtue is that it's easy to write.
27. You're in trouble (or you and I are in trouble), and this is what you'd better do.
This opening differs from #21, 'This is disgusting and you're the one to fix it,' because 'You're in trouble' is a direct accusation of existing involvement instead of a command for post-trouble involvement.
'You're in trouble' or 'You and I are in trouble' is loaded with dynamite, and that should be a caution as well as a challenge. The driver of a dynamite truck usually gets a bonus for safe delivery . . . and a funeral for steering into an accident.
As you undoubtedly already concluded, this opening explodes with force when used for fund raising and politics. The first sentence should include the word 'your' or 'our.' A fund-raising letter should begin:
Right now, our oceans are in serious trouble. Coral reefs, the marine equivalent of tropical rain forests, are dying. Beaches are fouled by oil spills and wastes. Fisheries are in decline. Many species of sea mammals are in danger of extinction.
Is this an example of opening #27? Partly. In my opinion the writer decided to soften the opening; in my opinion softening also softens personal impact; in my opinion, softening personal impact reduces response, and that's the way we keep score. You or I might have opened the letter this way:
We're in trouble, you and I. Our oceans are dying. Yes, dying. Look at any beach. Chances are it's fouled by oil spills and wastes. Fish can't even breed. Sea mammals? Take a good look while you can, because a few years from now they might be added to the melancholy list of extinct species.
Please understand: I'm not criticizing the letter because whoever wrote it didn't write it the way I would have; I'm just explaining how this semi 'You're in trouble' opening can be shifted to a full-scale 'you're in trouble' opening.
28. 'Why do they...' or 'Why don't they...'
Don't regard 'Why don't they ...' as a parallel for 'Why don't you....' The difference is immediate and potent:
'Why do they ' or 'Why don't they' places you arm in arm with the message sender: you're co-gripers. 'Why don't you' establishes the message sender as either 1) coach or 2) critic.
'Why don't you' is a cousin of an opening we've already discussed, #15 ('What I want you to do is...'). It's more imperative, which can make it more rejectable.
But 'Why do/don't they' has the wonderful capacity to place you, together with the writer, above 'those people.' Rapport is implicit, ergo instant.
An example of a 'Why do/don't they' opening:
Dear Marketing Professional:
Exasperation, aren't they?
I'm talking about human beings. Americans. Consumers. The public. The markets. The crazy-making jury out there you're paid to understand-and whose whims and flights of fancy you're rewarded for predicting.
Just what do they want? And what will they want tomorrow?
You can see the immediate advantage of this opening. The reader knows an imperative is on the way, but it's padded and softened and covered with downy feathers.
(As used in this example, the opening loses impact because too much claptrap precedes the greeting. Before 'Exasperating aren't they?' we have this text:
'Why do people buy what they buy? Two reasons, according to one marketing guru: 'To get what they don't have-and to keep what they've got.'' Marketing guru? Marketing cliche expert is a better title.)
Consider the 'Why do/don't they' opening when you want the reader to superimpose an attitude the reader won't reject, or to ridicule a competitor mildly instead of fiercely.
29. 'I've enclosed...'
'I've enclosed' is a straightforward, businesslike opening. This makes it a logical opening for a letter accompanying samples, evidence, or validation.
The opening isn't parallel to 'I have a free gift for you' (#8) or 'I have something good for you' (#10), each of which specifies benefit before naming what's enclosed (or, more frequently, promised).
'I've enclosed' gets to the point immediately, so it's more straightforward and less emotional than an opening which states a problem, then offers a solution to that problem. Frankly, I'm puzzled to see fund-raisers using 'I've enclosed.'
I'm guessing this opening, from a major nonprofit organization, was supposed to have an emotional wallop:
Dear Friend,
I've enclosed a Life or Death Seed Catalog for you. I call this the Life or Death Seed Catalog because what you do after looking through the catalog could help save the life of a small child...a child like Youssouf. Youssouf is a little boy who.....
Let's ignore that unfortunate appellation, 'Life or Death Seed Catalog,' which before we even get into the letter makes us uncomfortable (not guilty) with an unpleasant challenge-Dracula Plants sprouting and blooming only at the stroke of midnight. We're discussing letter openings, not product psychology.
An 'if...' opening would be completely safe as a substitute:
If you'll buy a few packets of seeds, a little boy in might live another year.
Those seeds are for him to plant. If they sprout, he won't starve.
It's as simple as that.
Within the 'enclosed' framework, adding 'why' immediately establishes a more emotional, more motivational opener. 'Why have I enclosed?' is a variation of #20, 'Why are we doing this?'
Compare the potency if the writer had started the appeal with a 'Why' opening: Why am I sending you a seed catalog . . . and why do we call it the Life or Death Seed Catalog? Because a few seeds literally might mean the difference between life and death for a little boy. The seeds you buy for him might mean he'll still be alive next year.
Can you see the difference in both impact and rapport the choice of letter openings can make? With such a huge menu, why choose an appetizer the reader finds distasteful?
30. Here's the sermon for today.
What a dangerous instrument this opening is!
In my opinion, sermons are best left to the clergy. They can get a reaction no outsider could ever induce, because they address the Captive Willing Guilty. Anyone who shows up for a religious service expects a sermon and is schooled to respect the person delivering the sermon, if not the content.
But how about sermonizing in a nonsectarian ambiance? Will the reader think you're making assumptions on his/her behalf and reject those assumptions, even though they may be true? Worse, will the reader doze off during your sermon because he/she is preconditioned to regard sermons as dull?
Those are the dangers. As an example:
Dear Herschell Lewis: [I hate those depersonalized personalizations.]
Making the right decisions on your business travel policies requires a thorough grasp of what's happening in the marketplace.
Widely considered the definitive source for information from T&E experts, The American Express Survey of Business Travel Management, 1993 Edition, can be invaluable in optimizing your travel investment.
Published only once every two years, the Survey gives you an inside look at the travel policies of 's corporations thanks to interviews with over 1300 top travel executives.
Snor-r-r-r-r-e.
Look at that stultifying opening sentence: 'Making the right decisions on your business travel policies requires a thorough grasp of what's happening in the marketplace.' Aside from the 'Huh?'-inducing rhetoric, the sentence uses the word 'policies,' which invites multiple interpretations.
The sermon-like aspect of this opening, unbacked by specifics, turns the reader away. If we had any specifics, we might suggest replacing the sermon with a 'Here's what the experts say' opening (#19). But we don't have any specifics; so what if, instead of a sermon, the letter opened with a gauntlet-casting question:
Are you making the right management decisions about your company's travel practices? Are you sure? Now you can have an inside look at what 1300 other top travel executives are doing....
Sermons do work when the sermonizer and the sermonizee are in sync. For mailings, I suggest saving this approach for continuation or resuscitation of an existing relationship.
Example:
Trouble. It's just around the corner. Trouble comes from having to 'fly by the seat of your pants' in a tough, competitive business climate.
That's what faces you, unless...
I'm gratified by the comment that seems to be the single common denominator in reactions to this series of articles: 'Looking through the 'menu' of choices forces our writers to match the message not just to the recipient, but also to the offer. That pretty much eliminates boiler-plate, one-size fits-all letters.'
Yes, it does. But really, this laundry list of letter openings isn't supposed to be an encyclopedia; it's a reminder. If we recognize how fragmentary even 50 openings are, we also recognize how many choices we have. We're professionals. Our job is to recognize those choices and make the best match.
As a reminder, not as an addition to an encyclopedia, here are five more openings.
31. We've missed you.
A cliche? You bet. Effective? Usually...in two separate directions, geared to the sophistication of the reader. 'We've missed you' as a mass appeal to dormant customers works best within the lower echelons of buyers. An appeal which is recognizably 'bulk' in creative approach isn't state-of-the-art; but to lower levels, or greedy former buyers, it's and old dependable, working like a Heimlich maneuver.
On a business-to-business or executive level, don't you dare let the look of a mass mailing peek through. To these targets, 'We've missed you' has to be one-on-one, with a hand-finished look. If you can't do this, don't waste the postage.
Oh, a second qualifier: If you can't tie 'We've missed you' to a special resuscitation offer, don't waste the postage.
A Video Club uses---quite properly---the 'mass' approach, complete with Johnson Box. (I've come to regard Johnson Boxes as de-personalizers.) A truly personal 'We've missed you' to somebody who dropped a negative option video deal would seem gushy and phony.
Under the Johnson Box is another 'bulk' line, printed in Goudy hand-tooled:
Take Any 6 Movies FOR 39c EACH.
Okay, we now know this isn't going to be a personal 'We've missed you.'
Here's the opening:
Dear H. Gordon:
You're the kind of individual any company would be proud to have as a customer. And we've missed you since you left us.
And because of the responsible way you handled your Columbia House membership privileges, you have been selected to receive this special V.I.P. 'welcome back' savings offer reserved exclusively for special friends of Columbia House....
This is the way to do it, all right, 'We've missed you' doesn't generate any commiseration unless it's led to the opportunity to get 'Dances with Wolves' for $0.39.
32. We're solving your tough problem.
This opening is tricky, because problem-solvers tend to emit a self-serving aura. Result: The person worth the problem becomes resentful rather than grateful.
Here's where the writer has to hope either the database is accurate or the message-recipient isn't sensitive. Here, too, is an opportunity for light-hearted, non-preachy solutions to non-threatening problems.
The hand-written overline on a letter:
Your search for the 'perfect gift' is over!
Not the stuff awards are made of, but the overline does serve a purpose: It tips off the reader that what follows won't raise hackles. Reading the greeting-'Dear Struggling Holiday Gift Shopper'-we can see how the handwritten overline tempers our reaction to the greeting itself. Proof? Visualize 'Dear Struggling Gift Shopper' without that overline. Presumptuous, isn't it? The overline douses the negative fire.
The letter then begins:
Finding just the right gift for those special people on your holiday list can be tough. Especially if they live out of town, certainly if they 'have everything,' and most assuredly if they're people of discriminating taste.
This year, why not give a truly unique gift...one they're not likely to find in any store...a gift that will stimulate, challenge and delight the mind...one that is guaranteed to please every puzzle enthusiast on your list!
Give the gift of membership in the Crossword Puzzles of the Month Club-a gift that keeps on giving all year long!
Oh yeah, it's mushy and generalized and never quite gets into gear. That reflects on the execution, not the concept. If you or I had written that letter, we'd have remembered the purpose of Letter Opening #32 and come out swinging: We're solving your tough problem (something like this)...
Dear Struggling Holiday Gift Shopper,
All right, quit struggling. Quit worrying about neckties he may never wear and candies her diet says are a no-no.
Instead, look how easy it is to get just the right gift...a gift that tells those special persons on your list you respect their intellect:&