WHAT WE FEAR MOST ...

Things can look great on the surface. However, dig a bit deeper and all of us share at least some of these fears:

Common fears

• The fear that we won't live up to our expectations of ourselves.
• The fear that we won't live up to expectations of someone else.
• The fear that while we are successful, we're doing the wrong thing—climbing a ladder that leans on the wrong wall.
• The fear that no matter how successful we are now, it's still not enough.
• The fear that we aren't always a good person.
• The fear that we aren't attractive or well liked.
• The fear that we're disconnected with ourselves.
• The fear that we're disconnected from family members and other loved ones.
• The fear that there has to be more, but we're not sure what it is.
• The fear that we might fail.
• The fear that our "secret" might be disclosed.
• The fear that we have to do it all alone.
• The fear that we're exhausted and out of balance.
• The fear that people will leave us.
• The fear that we'll waste what we've accomplished because we have no loved ones with whom to share it.
• The fear that we're out of control.
• The fear that our time and health are slipping away.
• The fear that we'll become obsolete and put out to pasture.
• The fear that our children would rather have more of us than the money we earn—or conversely, that they would rather have our money instead of us.
• The fear that our greatest successes lie in the past.
• The fear we won't be able to afford retirement.

Although I focus on the word "fear," the term "unfair" also applies. What feels unfair to you? Why is that the case? What is it that you fear related to the unfairness?

For example, if an employee doesn't hand a project in on time, this feels unfair. However, it goes deeper than that. What lies behind the unfairness may be fear that the employee is incompetent or doesn't care, that you have misjudged or mismanaged them, or that you will end up doing their work and your customer will misjudge you.

What does this have to do with management and HR? Absolutely everything!

Here's the point: nobody escapes feelings of unfairness or fear. Dr. Deming taught that one of the 14 principles of management is to drive fear out of your company. Acknowledging that something feels unfair and then finding the fear behind it can be a powerful source of insight.

In my experience, the most practical response is to remain grateful and look for the lesson you need to learn. That perspective supports growth, lets you let go without guilt, and helps you move on knowing you've done your best.

If you want to review how fear and perceived unfairness tie into workplace policies or benefits, talk to an agent.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can a manager identify the fear behind an employee's behavior?

Start by asking open, nonjudgmental questions and listening for concerns about competence, recognition, workload, or job security; these often reveal the underlying fear.

What are simple first steps for addressing perceived unfairness?

Acknowledge the feeling, gather the facts, and have a direct conversation focused on expectations and solutions rather than blame.

When should HR become involved?

Involve HR when patterns of unfairness affect team performance, when conflicts don't resolve through direct discussion, or when policy interpretation is needed.

Can recognizing these fears improve retention and morale?

Yes. Addressing employees' fears and perceptions of unfairness builds trust, improves engagement, and can reduce turnover over time.