Nothing happens until somebody sells something. To make sales happen, IMMS.com Key Sales Consultant Randy Schwantz has created a comprehensive series of 43 Producer Success Lessons. Used singly or in combination, these powerful tools can help your producers build their skills - and grow their sales.
One of my favorite cartoons is from 'The Far Side' by Gary Larsen. There are two identical pictures in which a man is scolding his dog for some canine transgression. In the first picture, captioned 'What we say to our dogs,' the man's speech bubble says, 'Bad dog, Ginger ... bad dog, Ginger ... stay off the furniture, Ginger.' In the second frame, captioned 'What our dogs hear,' the speech bubble says, 'Blah blah GINGER ... blah blah GINGER ... blah blah blah GINGER.'
That cartoon always gives me a chuckle. Dogs pay absolutely no attention to what you say. Their reaction is based completely on how you say it. Aural rapport works on the same principle. Less than 20% of what we communicate through aural channels is dependent on our words. The remaining 80% depends on our tone of voice, pitch, volume, speed, and other nonverbal sounds. If you want to test this with your dog, try saying 'Good dog' in an angry voice. See Spot run. See Spot hide under the couch.
Here's a scary thought: The most important business communication tool doesn't let you use non-aural communication skills. Yes, I'm talking about the telephone. Remember from Lesson 7 that 55% of most communication is body language, and that's non-aural. When you're face to face, you can use all your great non-aural skills, such as facial expression and body language, but not when you're on the phone. All your communication has to be aural.
THE COMPONENTS
There are eight key components of auditory communication. Only one of them involves your vocabulary, syntax, and choice of words - the verbal component. That's a depressing thought if you've spent hours memorizing phone scripts, isn't it? Let's explore the other seven components:
Tone. Does the person sound happy, sad, angry, or hesitant? We judge the other person's emotional state by their tone of voice.
Pitch. Often when people are agitated or upset, their voice takes on a higher pitch. Their voice pitch tends to drop when they're tired, especially at the end of a sentence.
Volume. We talk very softly at times, such as when we're conveying confidential information. Many people get louder when they're excited.
Speed. Different areas of the country are often characterized by the rate at which the locals speak. Be especially sensitive to this element. Most people are very aware of this, and it has a big impact on rapport.
Rhythm. Have you ever heard someone who's on a roll? They tend to speak in gusts up to 400 words per minute. Five or six sentences at a time might pour out in a rush. That's rhythm.
Inflection. Stressing certain syllables, words, or phrases can change the meaning of a sentence. Say 'I didn't say he lost his money' seven times. Each time, put the stress on a different word in the sentence. The meaning changes every time.
Breathing Pace. When you inhale and exhale affects your message. This element is so powerful that yoga teaches practitioners to synchronize their breathing with a partner as a path to unity of the mind and spirit.
IT'S MUSIC TO MY EARS
Think of aural communication in terms of music. Notes are identified by the way they're written on the musical score - which specific note, the length of time it's to be sounded, and whether it's to receive extra stress.
The next time you're in a conversation, try to envision your companion's speech like a musical score. Does their voice go up and down a lot (pitch)? Do they talk slowly (rhythm and speed)? Where are the accent marks?
The reason for making this mental picture is simple. If you could see the 'score' of the other person's speech, you'd know how to match them and increase your rapport. It's just like singing in church - seeing the music written in the hymnal minimizes the possibility that you'll sing solo at the wrong time.
MATCHING AURALLY
How can you can match someone aurally? Match the speed at which they speak. If they talk fast, you talk fast. If they talk slowly, you talk slowly. Their voice will probably rise and fall as they talk, so listen - and match. Match their tone - whether they sound happy, sad, angry, hesitant - and their volume.
You might wonder whether this really make a difference. Well, decide for yourself. What do people from up North who talk reallyreallyfast think about Southerners who speak v-e-r-y-s-l-o-w-l-y? Most people will tell you they find it very irritating. They think the Southerner is dim-witted. And that works both ways - those Southerners who talk v-e-r-y-s-l-o-w-l-y tend to distrust Northerners who talk reallyreallyfast and maybe even feel like the Northerners are trying to pull a fast one on them. Now, if you're inadvertently mismatching your clients' speed of speech, and as a result they think you're dumb or untrustworthy, wouldn't it be worth your while to change?
LIKE, HEY DUDE
Another great way to match aurally is to feed back key phrases. When my wife and I started dating, she was amused by my colloquialisms. I didn't want to go to a movie - I wanted to go to the show. When I described my Texas hometown, I'd drawl, 'Down where I'm from.' You see, down where I'm from, we have our own particular way of talking. I know instantly if you're from down where I'm from - if yer one of us'n.
So it is with most people. Listen for those key expressions, and use them. Surfers say, 'Hey, dude' a lot. I do, too, when I talk to surfers. One of my associates recently won a contract worth close to half a million dollars. His secret was to write down every key phrase the decision makers used and insist that everyone on his proposal team use those phrases in all communications, oral and written.
The key to effective auditory matching is to recognize speaking styles. Know your own and be able to identify others'. Then, match the person you're speaking with. You'll be amazed at how much easier it is to communicate!
EXERCISES
Write 'MATCH' on two small signs. Tape one near your phone where you can see it. Keep the other one in your datebook. Throughout the day, listen to how different people sound and match them in as many ways as you can. Notice how people react to you.
Every time you talk to anyone anywhere, even if you just exchange greetings, match them.
Think about matching and mismatching. Can you think of other situations in which mismatching caused disharmony? Think about the people with whom you naturally formed a deep instant liking in the past. In what ways were you and they alike?