“We're more alike than we think.” Relationships, whether face-to-face or cyber-distanced, are difficult at best. In this document, Jack Burke shares his thoughts on why “just getting along together” can be tougher than it first appears.
A friend who works at a local hospital shared this story about a new employee. From day one, it was obvious that neither of them liked the other. As a result of this initial dislike, each began to seek a basis for their feelings. Each picked incessantly at the other's smallest peculiarities. In essence, they first judged each other guilty without cause and then proceeded to build their individual cases. For absolutely no reason, each was expending a tremendous amount of mental energy on this relationship battlefield.
One day, through an unusual set of circumstances, they had to work together closely. During the normal chitchat of the day, they both realized that they were each on their first marriage, although their respective husbands had been married before. This “commonality” turned toward telling stories about dealing with their husbands' ex-spouses. By the end of the day, they both decided that their husbands had shown remarkably bad judgment in their first marriages, but were extremely lucky in their second marriages.
There's no fairy-tale ending here. Neither of these women really likes the other. However, after sharing some confidences and realizing some common aspects to their lives, they're able to get along and work well together.
This story illustrates a basic fact: The more we get to know each other, the easier it is to maintain a relationship. Notice that I said “we” and “each other.” It's a two way street. Many businesses concentrate on gathering information about their customers — believing that the more they know about them, the better they'll do. That's only half-true. The other side of the equation is the need to let your customers get to know you — which, in turn, means that you need to get to know your employees. The more opportunities to discern commonality, the greater the potential bond.
This isn't as easy as it might appear. We tend, through public relations, advertising, etc., to portray our businesses as perfect. If that's the only image our client receives, we might be in trouble on a couple of fronts.
First, how many of us really enjoy spending time with a “perfect” friend?
Second, perfection can raise unbelievably high levels of expectation.
About 20 years ago, at a time when I believed that image was everything, my friend Doug and I were returning from dinner when he said, “Jack, I can't hang around with you anymore. Your life is perfect and that makes me feel inferior.” I was stunned. Yet, in hindsight, I now understand what he was saying. I never shared any of my difficulties or problems — just the good news. I was a bit of a braggart and I always made sure the outside looked good. Most of us don't bond from our successes; we bond from our human frailties.
When you bond with your customers, they're aware and accepting of your shortcomings as they arise. Their expectations are more reasonable because they know that you aren't perfect. You can make mistakes — just like they do.
In summary, every business should consider these three nuggets of wisdom:
- Let your customers get to know you, as you get to know them.
- Be honest and forthright in communications; acknowledge your shortcomings.
- Remember that customers bond with people, not companies.