Connecting with people is simple, but not easy. However, connection is a necessary ingredient in both business and personal relationships.
The simple part is that we have numerous guidelines for connecting with people, developed from spiritual writings and prophets to relationship consultants and therapists:
- The Golden Rule: Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you.
- The Platinum Rule: Do unto others, as they would have you do unto them.
- The Bible: Love thy neighbor.
Other suggestions run the gamut:
- Talk about them until they ask about you.
- Make your impression in the first 10 seconds.
- Adapt your style to their personality.
- Relationships aren’t 50/50 - they’re 110/110.
- Go the extra mile.
I think you get the point. There are many suggestions for developing connections or relationships with others. So why do we have so much difficulty? The answer is that we’re all different, and have different perspectives, tastes, and emotional baggage!
For instance, I have a great friend whom I’ve known since college. We have an open, honest, and mutually supportive friendship that has weathered over four decades. Yet, if I watch him in a social setting, I’m always disturbed by his “over-friendliness,” something that I find obsequious. If someone approached me in that way, I would probably run in the other direction. Yet, he has built a successful business on his salesmanship (and women adore him). We’re great friends, but we’re very different.
A retail auto dealership acknowledges different personalities with what they call the “turn over.” If a sales person can’t close a deal, the customer is “turned over” to another sales person. The new sales person doesn’t have any additional or different tools to use in closing the deal; he or she just has a different personality that might click better.
When I worked at a dealership, the inside joke was that maybe the customer didn’t like a person with facial hair, or someone who was overweight, or spoke with an accent. The bottom line is that the dealership acknowledged that people have different tastes and that another person might be able to make the sale more easily.
The primary difference, when it comes to the commercial insurance industry, is that agencies and producers have time to develop relationships. Auto dealers have just a couple of hours to convince a stranger to trust them enough to spend money.
Investing time to develop a connection is hard work, but the time and effort you spend is well worth it when you earn the right to the prospect’s time and consideration. There are numerous tools to help you along this developmental path:
- Social media - allow prospective clients to start to get to know you and to assess the level of expertise that you bring to the table.
- Newsletters - provide useful business information, rather than self-serving advertisements.
- Testimonials - enable current clients to endorse your capabilities to their peers.
- Live seminars - provide expert advice to numerous clients and prospects who have the opportunity to interact among themselves during the breaks.
- Community activities and charities - participate in local events so people can experience your leadership abilities and willingness to work on behalf of others.
- Associations - join key associations for the markets that you serve.
Making connections takes time, effort, and persistence. Let others get to know you, as you get to know them. Then, once you have established an effective foundation, you can move to the next stage of commitment: creating and nurturing a client relationship. Remember, most savings accounts consist of many small deposits (unless you win the lottery). Unfortunately, too many people focus on winning the big prize and fail to make the small deposits.
A good friend of mine is a specialty-clothing manufacturer. Although he has mega-clients, such as major department store chains, he first built his business on small “mom and pop” boutiques. Today he has more than 5,000 of these small establishments as his clients, along with a few exceptionally large clients. His foresight in developing a wide range of various clients in all sizes and shapes has enabled him to grow and prosper, even in today’s challenging economic times. As he put it, “Our huge base of small shops enables us to serve the large accounts, yet know that we can survive without them – as long as we maintain our relationships with our fundamental base.”
If you put in the time, you’ll make connections, and relationships will follow.