Many of us become so dependent on templates and fill-in-the-blank processes for communicating that we sometimes overlook the actual words we’re using to convey what we mean. This document by Gary Blake will help make sure you get your point across as accurately and economically as possible.
Eliminating eight phrases can improve your written communications significantly in a few keystrokes. You’ll also improve your firm’s image, settle claims more amicably, obtain information quicker, and cut thousands of wasted words. In my nationwide writing seminars for insurance professionals, these are the eight phrases that I always delete or find substitutes for as I review participants’ writing samples:
Yours very truly (also Sincerely yours and Very truly yours) — You aren’t theirs. These closings are antiquated. I find myself using 'Sincerely' almost all of the time.
Respectfully — This closing has a solemn, almost hat-in-hand aspect to it that I dislike. It’s used in denial letters all the time. Perhaps the writer is thinking, 'If I use ‘Respectfully,’ it’ll soften the blow.' But, of course, it doesn’t. It just adds a somber tone and won’t make the reader any happier about having a claim denied.
Please be advised ... — A perfect example of unnecessary legalese. Usually you aren’t giving advice; you’re telling or informing. Save this phrase for when you’re giving advice. There’s no need to write, 'Please be advised that the check is overdue.' Simply write, 'The check is overdue.' Instead of 'I advised him to call me tomorrow,' just write 'I told [or asked] him to call me tomorrow.' Maybe 'told' is too direct for some, in which case feel free to use this 'advice' as needed. But 'advise' or 'be advised' is almost always overkill.
Kindly – 'Please' works better than this old-fashioned word. Always.
I am forwarding … — In e-mail, 'forwarding' does have a specific meaning: sending materials from someone other than the writer to the reader. In other cases (e.g., I am forwarding my business card to you), just use 'sending.'
Above-captioned claim (also above referenced-claim, date of loss, etc.) — These phrases make the reader stop, scan back to the RE line, find the information, then continue reading only if it’s important. Wouldn’t it be easier to summarize the relevant information in the letter itself? In other words, if the 'above-mentioned claim' refers to 'Smith vs. Jones,' write, 'In the Smith vs. Jones claim ...' Sometimes the 'above' refers to a claim number. In this case, use the number in the body of the letter. The trick to effective writing is to keep the reader reading, without unnecessary distractions.
Please note that ... — Again, here’s a phrase that might seem innocent but it has, for me, a schoolmarm-like tone ('Now, pay attention!'). I’d omit the phrase.
Enclosed please find ... — This phrase, more than any other in the world of business writing, epitomizes the legalese that people use when they wish to avoid using a pronoun like 'I,' or when they’re compelled to repeat phrases they’ve seen in other letters. After all, is the enclosure hidden, written in invisible ink? Use 'Enclosed is ... ' or 'I’ve enclosed … '
This reminds me of two jokes:
A guy goes into a restaurant and orders a steak dinner. The waiter walks over to the table, smiles obsequiously, and asks 'How did you find your steak?'
The guy looks at the waiter and says, 'I just moved the mashed potatoes and there it was!'
And when The Beatles were returning home after touring the United States, a journalist asked them, 'How did you find America?'
One of the Fab Four answered, 'We turned left at Greenland.' Enough said.