Bill Cates explains how you can adjust your referral requests to the personality of your client or prospect.
If you’re familiar with my work, you know that I believe it’s not important for you to ask for referrals using our VIPS Method™, but to use your own words. The more genuine you make your request, the more effective you’ll be.
Once you have your script down cold, you can then adjust your request to the personality of your client or prospect. For instance, if your client is soft spoken and indirect, you can’t come on too strong. On the other hand, if you client is quite direct, you can’t appear too soft or they won’t respect your style.
Here’s a template for adjusting your request to match your client’s communication style.
THE PLATINUM RULE
My friend and colleague, Tony Alessandra, in his book The Platinum Rule outlines four basic communication styles based on two parameters of communications: Open vs. Guarded and Direct vs. Indirect.
An Open person is very relationship oriented. They’re quite willing to give their time to anyone and will usually share personal information quickly.
A Guarded person is task and project oriented. They get down to business and don’t care so much about managing relationships.
A Direct person is usually faster paced and tries to control the conversation with power or persuasion.
An Indirect person is slower paced and more quiet or softer in their style.
Socializers are open people who are animated and expressive in their style of communication. You often find Socializers in sales, entertainment, PR, and other professions where an outgoing personality is helpful. Remember the original Star Trek? Who was the Socializer? Scotty! He always had a bottle of Scotch ready for a party, and got very emotional when the warp engines were about to blow.
Relaters are also very open people, but rather indirect (easy going) in their style of communication. You’ll find Relaters in nursing, customer service, therapy, and other professions in which people skills are important. On Star Trek, Bones, the, doctor was the Relater, who always put human concerns first.
Thinkers are indirect, like Relaters, but are more guarded or contained in their communication style. Thinkers are often found as accountants, financial analysts, computer programmers, and engineers — where close attention to detail is essential. As you might have guessed, Spock was a Thinker.
Directors are usually direct in their communication and guarded like thinkers. You’ll find Directors in the military, as venture capitalists, CEOs, and other professions where results are essential. This leaves Captain Kirk as the Director.
Of course, there are many variations, nuances, and exceptions to these generalizations. However, having a sense of where your client fits into these styles can help you adjust how you ask for referrals — the words you use and the manner in which you use them.
Let’s take these four categories and adjust the VIPS Method™ for each style. Unfortunately, in a written article I can only convey subtle differences through words alone, rather than tone and inflection. However, I think you’ll get the idea.
ASKING A SOCIALIZER
“George, I’m glad that you see the value in the work that we’ve been doing. Here’s an idea. Why don’t we put our heads together and brainstorm about who else you know who needs to know about this work. Are you up for trying something like this? If you like, I’ll take you to lunch and we’ll do it there. I suspect the people we can help will really appreciate you for this.” (Socializers always like a party.)
If the Socializer is a small business owner or salesperson, you might say, “Let’s brainstorm about how we can help each other grow our businesses.” Socializers will usually be your best sources for referrals and often give referrals without your even asking.
ASKING A RELATER
“George, I’m glad that you see the value in the work we’ve been doing. You know, the sad thing is that many people never take the time to do this sort of work. And they don’t even realize how they’re hurting themselves, their families, and their businesses. I was hoping that we could brainstorm a little to see if we can bring this important work to other people whom you care about. This is a chance to really help people. And, of course, you can call these people before I do — just to make sure they know why I’m calling.”
ASKING A THINKER
“George. I appreciate your thoughts about how you’ve found value in our work. You’re right! Having a clear plan and following it carefully is essential. The next step in this process would be to put our heads together to see if we can identify two people who you think should know about this work. But before you answer, I want to tell you the process that I use in contacting anyone we might identify. First, I’d ask you to contact them first — maybe a quick e-mail will do it — so that they’ll know why I’m calling. I’ll then follow up and see if they have any interest. I won’t pressure anyone into meeting with me. Based on this approach, can we try it for five minutes?”
ASKING A DIRECTOR
“George, thank’s for seeing how the work we’ve done is moving you toward your goals. I’m glad you see how I’ve supported your great decisions along the way. Let’s brainstorm about who you know who should know about the work I do. You can call them first, to let them know why I’m calling. The bottom line is that when I meet new clients through my clients like you, I can spend more time working on your situation because I don’t have to spend a lot of time prospecting. What I’m looking for is three to five targeted prospects. When I contact them, I give you my word that if I can’t help them, I wont’ waste their time. Can we try this for five minutes?”
TEACHING POINT
The more grounded and confident you are in using the VIPS Method™, the better you’ll be able to adjust your approach to the person in front of you. When you give them the “gift” of your flexibility, and move in the direction of their style, you’ll become more effective with your request.